Some days, some weeks, some months, some years, we have to wait and wait to really exhale. Today was a day, I could exhale after quite some time, although I am not talking about romance here, like the movie.. The stars aligned just right, and I could put words on paper eloquently. I could watch my fingers touch the keyboard and the letters, words, and sentences appear magically. What a gift, I thought, we humans have to be able to translate our feelings into words. Especially in this season of giving thanks and giving gifts, what does it mean to give, really give?, I thought. Then I realized that true giving is when we give ourselves, our energy, our love, our time, our devotion. However, what occured to me is that when we give of ourselves, we have to guard the fragile core that makes up who we are, the uniqueness, the only thing that's special about us and what we contribute to the world. Carefully balancing the giving to others and giving to our core is what keeps us going in any difficult circumstances.
In the last couple of months, I have truly learned a new appreciation for caregiving. I have had someone close to me depend on me for a lot of help, physically and emotionally, in every possible way. I have had very little time to consider my own life, as most everything evolved around the caregiving. The satisfaction caregiving brings is boundless, yet it can be gruelling and unforgiving and just never ending. I have always admired caregivers but now I have a deeper understanding of what it involves. Especially, when you have someone who has been very independent in their own life before the life-changing occurrence. The dynamics of the person going through their own frustrations of not being able to do the simplest thing by themselves is the new reality you now both face. The nice thing is that we both found a good place to be now in the recovery process that will help us manage the challenges thrown upon us better, as we both learned how and when to give and take a break, whenever possible.
My caregiving for this person will go on for as long as I am able to do it, as this person is very special to me and has given me so much. This person is my mother.
