"Guided by my heritage of a love of beauty and a respect for strength--in search of my mother's garden I found my own." Alice Walker
Defining oneself may prove to be one of the most difficult tasks that anyone will face in their lifetime. Most of us cannot rush this process. But the key to finding the path to the final discovery is recognizing all of the clues along the way. Although the journey may be long and take years and years without a concrete result, the destination will shape itself regardless of what we think of ourselves, as the world around us and those in it will form an opinion about us. Those two are, in fact, different views of how we are perceived in the world. Let us for now focus on the task of finding our own Holly Grail of the elusive self-discovery that hopefully answers three core questions. "Who am I? What do I want? and What makes me tick?"
What is absolutely invaluable in this search is meeting people who are exceptional in their aura of who they are, who are defined by their own rules and journeys and stand firmly on the ground of what their world means to them. Think about your own life for a minute and reach back in memory to those people who just with their own being have influenced how you think, act and view the world for years to come.
Let me tell you about the first time I met this amazing lady, who forever inspired me to never give up on any undertaking, always stand firmly in my decisions, value the opinion of others but ultimately design my own course of action about what is best for me and my future, and above all have the highest regard for life and the beauty and richness of experience it offers.
It was a warm Spring sunny day in 2000, when my now husband, I, and my stepson, Nick piled into the car to make the trip up the mountain, as everyone in the family called it, to meet the one and only Aunt Ethel with a capital "A." As previously I have been known to be late on more than one occasion arriving to various events, while engaged to my husband, he instructed me that there was no chance in the world that we could possibly be late for this visit. He proceeded to make several calls before we left and on the way to give our progress and keep our hostess apprised of our whereabouts and estimated time of arrival. What impressed me immensely was that this lady commanded such respect and regard in my husband, which was evident in the way he spoke about her and his subsequent actions that concerned anything about Aunt Ethel. To this day, I have yet to witness a matching phenomenon in my husband's apparition.
We proceeded to drive to the city of Napa and then up the famous mountain on a winding road, which offered a couple of incredible views along the way of the luscious greenery and natural beauty of the winery-rich mountainous region we were crossing. I felt like Alice in Wonderland admiring and taking in all the sights and sounds of this paradise on Earth. We passed a couple of nice homes close to the road, and I wrongly thought we had arrived both times. Finally we pulled up to a gate on the side of the road, and my husband jumped out to open it up. We drove up a fairly steep road and arrived in front of a charming white two-story home which was nestled behind a beautiful gigantic walnut tree and surrounded by lemon and plum trees, fire-engine red fuchsias, and a variety of shrubs and impeccably kept flowers and vegetation. From this point on that day, I felt like I was living in a dream or experiencing a life of a character in a movie, it was all so perfect and surreal.
As I stepped out of the car, I got shocked with the whiff of fresh air and the sounds of nature's silence with the exception of occasional bird calls and the leaves whispering in the warm breeze. The temperature was as if delivered to order, not too hot and super comfortable. Once I was done surveying the house's immediate vicinity, my mouth dropped, as I froze staring at what was an almost bird's eye view of the mountains and valleys before me. Such incredible was that view, I found it hard to move my feet and wanted to stay in that spot for all eternity. For only a deity could have been involved in putting such wonder together for human eyes to see.
When my gaze drifted downward and to the left, I saw several rows of grape vines which went with the story Ron had told me about his Aunt and late uncle Arnold having had grown a vineyard here and up the mountain in years past. I shook off the initial awe-inspiring reaction and followed the boys down the side of the home and to what looked like the kitchen door screen. Behind it I could see a tiny figure accompanying a voice welcoming us, and there was nothing tiny about the figure owner's presence nor her voice. "Well, here you are," said Aunt Ethel, greeting us with her signature smile adorned by bright red llipstick matching the fuchsias outside and sparkly eyes. Her short white perfectly styled hair went nicely with an impeccably white sweatshirt dressed up with a bright yellow beautiful silk scarf tied neatly around her neck. This was one spunky ninety-something-year-old, I was taken by instantly.
After our introductions and warm hugs and kisses, Aunt Ethel showed us to the dining room table adjacent to the kitchen and employed Ronnie, as she liked to call him, to bring a bottle of red wine from the small cellar downstairs. The kitchen wasn't large but it was perfectly laid out with a small counter and a window over the sink looking out on the lemon tree and green blackberry bush-filled hillside behind the house. I asked if I could be of help and got the task of delivering warm dinner rolls to the table. Ronnie proceeded to help serve the wonderful pork chops and beans. Everything tasted out of this world. I savored every bite and listened to Aunt Ethel describe each ingredient with such love and importance, when asked about the recipe. "We both love red lipstick and great food, "I thought." I like this lady so much." I later understood how much more we shared and the connection we developed found me in constant admiration of the steadfast strength she displayed in the face of pain and change that was to come.
The dinner was delicious and perfectly timed. We had a great conversation and nothing was rushed. It seemed like time simply had stood still. No worries, no mundane thoughts could trouble one in her presence. Time and life where there for the taking with such richness, class, and dignity. Aunt Ethel brought it all to us by simply being, who she was. It was then I learned of Uncle Arnold's heroism, when he courageously flew 33 missions defending England, as a pilot in the Air Force and got to see his medals and pictures she treasured and described with love and teary eyes. She told us about how he had found the location for their house based on the special micro-climate and view there and how he always massaged her back every morning of every day they were married. Although they never had kids of their own, Ronny, his siblings and cousins were welcome there for summer vacations and grape picking seasons, when they were growing up. Uncle Arnold had passed only one year before, and understandably that created a huge void in Aunt Ethel's life. After the dinner was over, and we helped clear the dishes, I got the tour of the house.
The living room was filled with well-crafted and comfortable furniture in greens, browns, creams and other earth tones. The parlor and patio offered the incredible view, I had discovered earlier. The master bedroom was comfortably placed downstairs with a bath nearby and a laundry room. The stairs led to a cozy bath shared by two guest bedrooms on either side, again impeccably furnished with heirloom pieces. One room really caught my attention complete with a window glaring onto the walnut tree and a typewriter and a cozy green bedspread. I later got to stay in that room several times and before our wedding, which Aunt Ethel generously allowed us to have outside her incredible home.
After our relaxing and moving visit, we were sent on our way with plenty of scrumptious left overs, fresh berries, irreplaceable memories, and most of all the experience I cherished of being engulfed in the impeccable everything that was Aunt Ethel.
Following this first encounter, I couldn't wait to have my son, Piotr, and my mother meet Aunt Ethel, and when they did, they felt lucky to do so. Both had the same reaction of awe, inspiration, and warmth.
As years went by, we spent some great moments at Aunt Ethel's home and later at her retirement community of Paradise Valley Estates, where we visited her and shared holidays and lunches as a family or sometimes for a girl get together with my Mom and I. While Aunt Ethel's mind has always remained sharp, she endured countless medical procedures, blood transfusions, and knee and hip replacements, as her body was failing. And through it all , she kept her strength of character and dignity always proving those who said it was too dangerous or that she couldn't survive another operation wrong. She stayed mobile and lived independently for many years with this inspiring dignity, strength, and exceptional clarity of mind. Aunt Ethel was always fully aware of her own circumstances and everyone else's, and kept up with loved ones and friends, regularly watched programs on politics, and current events as well.
Her legacy lives on, as she lived by example how to stay dignified, defiant, wear red lipstick no matter what and refuse to move into a hospice even when her health rapidly deteriorated. Although our beloved Aunt Ethel passed on at 11:30 a.m. on Tuesday June 23rd, we shall remember her in her home as the perfect hostess and looking at the pictures of the kids from their latest events, sharing a good moment in her hospital room, when she enjoyed the flowers and our presence and life itself. Her spirit is here always with us to remind each and every one of us about how to cherish life every day, keep your head up, and not be afraid to go up against the wind, when it comes at us. Heaven now has a brand new Angel, with a capital "A."
